Day 1

So today is day 1. Of everything. Of life. 

last night was sheer insanity. I realized I do not have a normal life. I do not have a normal family. I do not have a normal ANYTHING. Last night showed me that I can’t have a normal life, and I should learn to be okay with that. But last night also showed me that I really need to WAKE UP and to realize that my health gets affected every single time this kind of stuff happens to me. 

All the adrenaline and drama from yesterday (Sorry, keeping it to myself to protect those involved) made me come home, play some Black Ops II (PSN: KayoS_AngeL) and have some tea. My original idea was to come home and drink. Beer. Alcohol. It didn’t matter. I wanted to numb myself of everything that just happened, and everything that seems to always happen to me. Instead, I made the right choice to drink some green mango tea, decaf, with some sleepy time tea mixed in. Good choice. 

What was NOT a good choice was the peanut butter chocolate fudge (4 really small pieces) and 3 pieces of dove dark chocolate. I couldn’t help it. I had to do something to make me happy. My boyfriend had just gone home, my family was put in danger, and my best friend was put in danger. I helped stop it, but it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t prevent it. It killed me inside. 

Then my dad made a joke about my weight. My boyfriend had me sit on his lap (he loves it when I do) and snuggle him in my dads chair. My dad was making snarky remarks on the porch, and I could hear him. I shook it off. Then he came in to the house, told everyone to be quiet and said “Do you hear that?”… and make a tiny squeaking voice saying “Get her off me! She’s too big! Get her off me!” mocking the chair… It hurt. It hurt a lot, especially since my dad is over 400lbs. I couldn’t help it. I sniped back “If it can handle your fat ass, it can handle mine”. It still hurts to think about. 

So this is also the first day of me taking Phentermine (prescribed by my doctor to help boost my metabolism). I didn’t feel jittery or anything else. Actually, I’ve had really great energy all day today. I think it helps that I do 9 million things in a day. No coffee, either. whew. 

Just ate a delicious dinner (this post has been up all day) of a big bowl of spinach, a chicken breast grilled with pineapple chili glaze and spices, bleu cheese, walnuts and raisins, topped with some white wine and apple cider balsamic vinaigrette. Nummy. 🙂 

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